Where To Eat When You’re Hungover & Have No One To Blame But Yourself
Places to start apologizing to your body.
Nobody plans for a hangover, just like nobody plans for a terrible sunburn. Either way, you were just a little reckless and now it feels like your body is on fire and even the slightest movement will make you scream. But instead of a bucket of aloe, you need fried things, bacon and eggs, and possibly a sandwich the size of a sea turtle. Hopefully, the food at these spots will both distract you from that pain and give you a reason to open your eyes.
Provided you can remember to set an alarm and actually wake up in time to place an order before they sell out, El Bagel is a perfect hangover breakfast. El Bagel’s sandwiches (there are about seven on the menu) are all outstanding, which is why this place usually sells out by the early afternoon. Any of them are going to make you start to feel like a human again, but our personal favorite is the EB Original, which has scallion cream cheese, roasted jalapeños, and bacon. It’s salty, spicy, and might just make you forget about that bottle of champagne you chugged nine hours ago.
Soup has the power to make most people—especially the brutally hungover—feel a hell of a lot better. And the pho at this North Miami Beach spot is not one of those sad, watered-down versions that requires overzealous squirts of sriracha and hoisin to be edible. Pho Mi 2 Go serves one of Miami’s best pho. The broth is so rich and beefy that it really doesn’t need any doctoring, although a squirt of lime juice or a Thai basil leaf in each spoonful doesn’t hurt. Get the beef combo pho, which includes brisket, garlicky meatballs, and raw slices of steak that cook in the hot broth.
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photo credit: Cleveland Jennings
So you went to Martini Bar in Doral last night and ordered too many martini dream cocktails (gross). Lucky for you, Doral has one of Miami’s best hangover spots: Pepito's Plaza. It’s attached to a gas station and serves Venezuelan hot dogs and pepitos—both drenched in their glorious six sauce combo: ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, pink sauce, garlic sauce, and tartar sauce. Skip the Gatorade from the gas station and order a parchita instead—a passion fruit juice that will have you getting weird at CityPlace again in no time.
Mi Colombia is a tiny Colombian restaurant in North Beach with only counter seating. But they serve some really good Colombian food for very affordable prices. They also have that perfect recovery meal known as bandeja paisa for around $11. The massive plate comes with steak, fried pork rind, beans, plantains, rice, avocado, and an egg. And it’s not just the quantity of food that’s impressive. That steak is thin with just a touch of pink in the center, and the plantains go so well with the saltiness of the pork. Pair it with one of their fresh juices, and you might just have the energy to head back to E11even and drain the remainder of your checking account.
Tinta y Café
Tinta y Cafe is pretty much the most perfect casual breakfast/lunch place that a hungry (or hungover) person in Coral Gables could ask for (but there’s a Miami Shore location too). The relaxing, relatively quiet spot feels more like a very cool library than your average claustrophobic ventanita. The Cuban coffee is great and so is the food, which includes light breakfast plates, salads, and really tasty sandwiches—which are what you want to get here. The self-titled Tinta y Cafe is our favorite and comes with pork, prosciutto, manchego, roasted peppers, and caramelized onions. Your hungover ass will love it, even though it comes on a baguette instead of your typical larded-up hunk of Cuban bread.
Josh’s Deli has many qualities we seek out when a hangover has us feeling like a cruise ship ran over our forehead: bagels, dim lighting, a low noise level, and cocktails that are there if you need them. Any sandwich at this Surfside spot is going to help inflate your spirit like an air mattress, but their pastrami sandwich is so good that it might just have you making eye-contact with strangers by 3pm.
Athens Juice Bar
There are two roads to take with a hangover—one leads to something greasy, but the other option is something just a little healthier. For that, go to Athens Juice Bar in North Beach, home of the best fruit salad in Florida. They serve other things like smoothies and acai bowls, but the fruit salad, which is covered with sweet fruit pulp, is going to feel like dipping your head into a bathtub full of cold bananas and watermelon.
Las Olas Cafe
Las Olas is our favorite ventanita in South Beach. And like all good ventanitas, you can come here and order Cuban coffee, croqeutas, and one of the best Cuban sandwiches in Miami (a.k.a. the holy trinity of hangover recovery meals). But if you're in need of something not fried or meaty, order one of their fresh juices. There are some tables inside the small restaurant, but it’s also a solid to-go option if you can't be around humans right now.
There’s actually quite an interesting story behind Royal Castle, the Miami-born chain that once had over 100 locations across the South. But it’s possible that your brain is currently melting, so we’ll get to the point. This 24/7 restaurant in Gladeview serves all-day breakfast and—what you really want in this situation—amazing slider “six-packs.” The mini-burgers have soft buns, thin patties, diced onions, a pickle, melted American cheese, and are six very good reasons to get out of your bed and leave the house. The patty melt is also great.
Enriqueta's Sandwich Shop
As long as it’s not Sunday—the one day a week this Edgewater spot is closed—Enriqueta’s is going to bring you back to life. It’s a great, classic Cuban diner with breakfast specials under $10, along with a novela of big sandwiches. We generally go with the pan con bistec or the classic Cubano, but if your head feels like an overfilled water balloon, then you might need the croqueta preparada, which is basically just a Cuban sandwich with croquetas stuffed inside.
Jimmy's East-Side Diner
When we’re hungover, all we really want is bread, eggs, and someone to refill our coffee after every five sips. That’s exactly what you’ll get at this classic MiMo diner. Jimmy’s is simple in a good way, with leather booths you’ll sink into and diner staples like eggs, sausage, pancakes, a patty melt, and a lot more you can eat when you’re not whispering “What have I done?” into your coffee.
Doggi's Arepa Bar
If a fresh passion fruit juice and an arepa from Doggi’s in MiMo don’t start to make you feel a tiny bit like a person again, you may just want to go back to bed and try again tomorrow. We have yet to meet a hangover that couldn’t be at least lightened by this duo, especially if we’re ordering the arepa santa bárbara, which is an overstuffed pocket of churrasco, tomato, avocado, and cheese. You’re also going to need about 70% of the excellent sauce found inside the squeeze bottles on the table.
It doesn’t matter when you eventually make it out of bed—brunch, lunch, or dinner—Blue Collar will be waiting for you with a menu that will remind you of simpler times, times when you didn’t feel like a punching bag in a gym full of the best heavyweight boxers in the world. Their cheeseburger, spicy braised meats, and shrimp and grits are all ideal for days like this. Plus, they’re available all-day, so feel free to hit that snooze button like Mike Tyson.
El Rey De Las Fritas
Think of the classic frita and a batido as Batman and Robin, and your hangover is one of the many villains they fight. Or just think of them as a very good sandwich and a creamy Cuban milkshake. Or just don’t think at all, and come to this Little Havana diner and order them. You might need two.
photo credit: Tasty Planet
Chug’s serves the food of a fancy restaurant, but the Coconut Grove diner is casual enough that you can still show up in last night’s outfit and inhale one of the best pancakes in Miami. They also have both strong coffee and cocktails (in case you want to keep the party going). The food is the main reason you come here, though. That cast iron pancake we mentioned is excellent. But if you’re really hungry, go for the substantial La Completa, a hefty plate of three eggs, potatoes, and Cuban toast. A PB&J pastelito for dessert is also a very good idea.
Dr. Limon Ceviche Bar
Peruvians know that the ideal hangover cure is a big plate of spicy ceviche, and Dr. Limon’s medically-themed options are sure to bring you back to life. The Remedio Casero ceviche (which translates to “home remedy”) is a classic Peruvian fish ceviche flecked with bright-tasting ají limo chiles. If you got a little crazy last night and lost some articles of clothing in the process, the Loco Calato (AKA “naked maniac”) ceviche may not restore your dignity (or missing socks), but these tangy fried ceviche balls are the perfect thing to eat when you want something refreshing, crunchy, and deep-fried all in one bite.
Ichimi Coral Gables
Ichimi in Coral Gables (there's a Midtown location too) serves big bowls of ramen, springy pork belly bao buns, and crispy-bottomed gyozas. Our favorite ramen here is the Ichimi ramen—a tonkotsu broth that comes with your choice of protein and noodles. We order ours with pork and imported egg noodles. We know ramen with egg noodles sounds a little counterintuitive, but they’re more filling and flavorful than Ichimi’s housemade noodles, and cost the same. The ramen comes with scallions, crunchy kikurage mushrooms, bean sprouts, bamboo shoots, sesame seeds, and a soft boiled egg. Slurp it up with their ladle-like wooden spoons and pretend you’re a Ghibli movie character (or just someone who didn’t take seven shots of tequila last night).