Intimo

If Goldmember hadn’t turned to a life of international crime in the third Austin Powers movie, we could envision him designing a place a lot Intimo, an upscale Nikkei restaurant in South of Fith. There are gold accents everywhere you look here, and there also tends to be an electric violinist walking around the small dining room, because of course there does. The food isn’t bad - the various ceviches are solid and we’d eat the chaufa de mariscos again - but none of it makes up for the fact that this place feels like the secret layer of a rich supervillain. Bring a date here - or anyone, really - and they will think you’re trying way too hard.