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Upland is permanently closed.
Andrew Hektor


Written by
Andrew Hektor

Despite what you might hear when you turn on your TV or computer or really any screen at this point, people can agree on things - like 73 degrees being a good temperature or that Kanye West was once a good artist. It’s easy to find common ground at South Beach’s Upland too, and you should have it in your pocket for those occasions when you need a big restaurant with food that most people can agree on.

The menu includes recognizable things like pizza, pasta, roasted meats, and vegetables. The food is easy to split with the person you’re sitting next to, even if you’ve never met before, and none of it is too boring. The best pizza is the clam pie, which we don’t see too often, and the crispy squash blossoms are stuffed with parmesan. They also have a pretty stunning carrot covered in a coat of sunflower and coriander armor you should definitely order.

But carrot and clam pizza aside, most of the food isn’t quite exciting enough to talk about the next day, so walk a block over to Stubborn Seed if you really need a dinner that’ll impress. Upland is too big for a date or an intimate occasion anyway, but as long as you’ve got at least four people - even if the only thing they can agree on is 808s & Heartbreak - Upland will work.

Food Rundown

Clam Pizza

Clams should be a pizza topping as accepted as pepperoni - and this pizza is more proof. There is also a lot of garlic on this thing, which is the correct amount of garlic.

Andrew Hektor
Norwich Meadows Carrots

These carrots are covered in a layer of sunflower seeds that kind of make it look like a medieval knight in chainmail. Not only does it taste good, but we have never met a more interesting carrot.

Andrew Hektor
Crispy Squash Blossoms

These are nice and crispy, stuffed with cheese, and are a worthy runner-up to the carrots if there was an Upland vegetable award ceremony.

Laurie Satran
Roasted Half Chicken

This roast chicken sadly succumbs to the fatal flaw of many roast chickens: the dark meat is really juicy, but the breast is dry. The peppery spices that are rubbed all over this bird almost make up for it.

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