Café Pastis

“Calling dibs” on restaurant names should really be a thing. Café Pastis shares a name with one of the most talked-about Miami openings of the last decade. But it’s been around longer, is beloved by its South Miami community, and provides a truer French bistro experience than the Pastis of Wynwood. Therefore, they’ve earned dibs on the name. 

This mustard-yellow French restaurant is located in a strip mall between a Chill-N and a tennis store. The space is not much bigger than the narrowboat you dream of retiring on, but somehow fits an entire (remarkably small) kitchen and about 10 tables. It’s an architecturally indigestible phenomenon that makes you feel like you’re in a butterfly chrysalis, only made of butter.

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

When dinner service starts around 6 pm, a wave of regulars promptly roll in—and if you’re not among them, you may have to wait for a table even on a Wednesday. Seating arrangements are close enough to make momentary friends with strangers, but also far enough to have intimate talks with your mom about your dating life. They don’t actually offer pastis (a French apéritif) so get the kir royale—it's sweet, bubbly, and forces your pinky to lift with every sip. When you have to go pee after a couple of these, find the bathroom in the kitchen past the double doors. Share a knowing look with the dishwasher and carry on with your business. 

The best way to decide what to eat here is to order whatever suggestions are thrown at you from whomever. Such suggestions may come from the older couple to your left who’ve been coming here every Tuesday since Erik Spoelstra replaced Pat Riley. They’ll insist you get the upside-down pear tart for dessert. Or the server who, without any hesitation, will tell you to order the grouper. Listen to them all.  

photo credit: Cleveland Jennings / @eatthecanvasllc

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

photo credit: Cleveland Jennings / @eatthecanvasllc

Café Pastis also does this thing called lunch. That's when they offer sandwiches that are good, but not as exciting as what’s happening on the chalkboard of rotating specials. It’ll have things like bowtie shrimp pasta with curry-chardonnay sauce, or grilled tuna steak with green peppercorn sauce—expensive-sounding, but deliciously affordable here.

Whether you decide to come for lunch or dinner, here are a few things you can always expect: housemade baguette comes to your table in a brown paper bag, receipts are handwritten, and when it’s someone's birthday, they ring a massive sailor’s bell. And that’s probably how they’ve always done things. The French may have had the worst streak of Louis in power, but what they missed in monarchs, they made up for in cheesy decadent foods. Café Pastis reaffirms this. Pastis of Wynwood is an aspiring runner-up. 

Food Rundown

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

Lamb Shank

This enormous piece of lamb is attached to a bone that’s so tempting to pick up and eat like a caveman—especially because it detaches from the bone as soon as you touch it. Remind yourself you’re in a restaurant and there are other people around you.

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

Escargot

If a restaurant claims to be French but they don’t have escargot on the menu, they’re probably not that French. The one served here come sizzling in a six-hole ceramic dish oozing butter and garlic.

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

Goat Cheese Salad

Highlighting salad? What are we, bunnies? But this is no regular salad. It's melted goat cheese on top of crispy olive bread, a drizzle of honey, and some greens dressed with balsamic vinaigrette. We hope you get it now.

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

Roasted Grouper

This dish is not pretty. In fact it’s a little ugly. But that’s why we love it so much. Wonky leeks are plopped on top of grouper with a side of unpresumptuous potatoes. It’s so filling you have to unzip your pants to breathe.

photo credit: CLEVELAND JENNINGS / @EATTHECANVASLLC

Upside-Down Pear Tart

This pear tart is presumably baked upside down, which is what gives the pears a perfect caramelization. Equal parts chantilly and tart per bite are recommended for maximum effect.