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Where To Eat Brunch When You Hate Brunch

PHOTO: Jakob Layman

It’s 10am on a Saturday, you’re a little hungover, and your phone is blowing up. And everyone on the other end is asking about one thing - brunch. Your body aches, but not because of that 1am mai tai. It aches because deep down you hate brunch. And for good reason - the long lines, the bad drink specials, the mediocre food, and the screaming crowds of 20-somethings acting like it’s the first time they’ve never eaten food in broad daylight before. You’re over it. But sometimes your friends won’t let you eat another microwaved English muffin under your comforter, and when that time arrives, you need options. Here are 11 places where you can eat brunch and not have to deal with all terrible things that go along with eating brunch.

the spots

Kings Road Cafe

8361 Beverly Blvd
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In your mind, the weekend means two things - wearing your bathrobe to Target and drinking coffee that didn’t come from your coffee maker. And that means you won’t hate King’s Road. This casual cafe in Beverly Grove is home to some of our favorite coffee in town with a sidewalk patio full of people talking at civilized volumes. The breakfast menu is pretty straightforward, which is fine because a $12 turkey sausage scramble and an iced coffee with free refills that you didn’t have to wait an hour for is your personal Coachella.

7.4
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John O’Groats is an LA institution and feels like the neighborhood restaurant your parents have been going to for decades where the owner still sends you $5 every year on your birthday even though you’re 31. There are checkered linoleum floors, gingham tablecloths, and a bunch of pictures of celebrities on the wall. As for the food, you’ll find a standard array of egg dishes, pancakes, and waffles, and everything is very good. Also, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a better biscuit in town. Expect a wait during peak weekend hours.

9.1
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You like brunch food. You can even enjoy a mimosa or two if the sun aligns with the moon at a specific time on a Sunday. It’s just the lines that bring you down - that never-ending wait for a table just to eat an egg scramble you could’ve made yourself over a campfire. No brunch line in LA is longer than Republique’s, but here’s the hack - go to their walk-up window instead. You can call ahead, never deal with a single line, and inhale a soul-curing morning bun in a matter of minutes.

Marco's Trattoria

West Hollywood
8200 Santa Monica Blvd
7.2
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No neighborhood in LA takes brunch as seriously as West Hollywood. And by seriously, we mean that eating brunch here usually makes us want to give up on humanity altogether. So thank god for Marco’s, a quiet cafe right along Santa Monica Blvd. and your best bet in the neighborhood for eating an omelette in peace without having a 90-minute limit on your table. Prices are reasonable, you never have to wait to be seated, and everyone inside seeks the same kind of solace as you do.

Mustard Seed Cafe

Los Feliz
1948 Hillhurst Ave

While every person who paid for their Instagram followers takes photos of themselves and their food at Alcove, across the street is Mustard Seed - a casual sidewalk cafe with better food, a better space, and a crowd of people whose phones are in their pockets. You want to be at Mustard Seed. Their buttermilk pancakes and egg scrambles are excellent, and they have a turkey burger that won’t embarrass you for ordering a turkey burger.

Photo: Jakob Layman

Bondi Harvest

Santa Monica
1814 Berkeley St
7.9
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We don’t remember all the details of Dante’s Inferno, but we’re pretty sure one of the circles of hell involves driving around Santa Monica on a Sunday morning trying to find even a mediocre restaurant where the wait time is less than an hour. Skip the torture and go to Bondi Harvest instead. This order-at-the-counter Australian cafe sits in an inland section of Santa Monica dominated mostly by tech start-ups, which means this place is fairly crowd-free on the weekends. You’re going to want the Bondi breakfast (eggs, bacon, and a bunch of vegetables) and/or the roast chicken sandwich to enjoy in peace on their side patio with a flat white in hand.

8.0
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Friends & Family is a daytime cafe in East Hollywood that’s much bigger than it looks from the outside. And that means come Saturday morning, you’ll be able to order buckwheat pancakes and pastries from the register, find a seat without having to hover over strangers like a rabid vulture, and then eat peacefully in a corner by a window. Also, the bright space is very laptop-friendly, so if you need to get some work done, this is the place to do it. Don’t leave without ordering the egg salad.

Cafe Milan

Playa Del Rey
205 Culver Blvd
6.9
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You just woke up and instantly regret that extra shot you took with the bartender when your friends were in the bathroom. That said, under no circumstance do you want to wake up and start drinking again. When you just need a big plate of eggs, a quiet patio, and not a bottomless mimosa in sight, head to Cafe Milan. The order-at-the-counter strip mall spot in Playa Del Rey has a big menu full of every kind of omelette and pancake you could want and a breakfast burrito that will cure even the most violent of hangovers.

7.9
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You’re a seasoned weekender at this point, and that means you know that every brunch with your friends ends up being a three-hour bellini marathon that ends with somebody crying about their nonexistent relationship. Take them to Breakfast By Salt’s Cure. The order-at-the-counter place in West Hollywood has every item you love from Salt’s Cure’s full breakfast menu (hello again, griddle cakes), but in a casual atmosphere that will get you in and out before Natalie gets hysterical about someone she's never met before.

Photo: Jakob Layman

Angelini Alimentari

Beverly Grove
7317 Beverly Boulevard

Angelini Alimentari is an Italian brunch spot along Beverly that simply doesn’t feel like a brunch spot. There are no lines, no water-y bottomless mimosas, and no UCLA undergrads at the table over bragging about how close they are to throwing up right now. Order your food at the counter inside and go sit in the shade on their fantastic side patio. We usually get the eggs in purgatory, a pastry, and their ricotta toast, but can’t go wrong with anything here. You’re definitely getting some gelato for the walk to your car.

At its core, Doubting Thomas is a coffee shop. But it’s also a coffee shop that’s way more interesting than your typical cafe with a hanging plant in the corner. They have a small, but solid breakfast menu (get the pork shoulder burrito and any pastry) and a bright space where you can pretend to get work done while ignoring your friend’s texts about coming to meet them at Bungalow,

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