NYCReview

photo credit: Kate Previte

The interior of Margaritaville.
3.4

Margaritaville

American

Times Square

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At some point in your life, someone is going to ask if you want to go to Margaritaville in Times Square. Maybe after the latest article reporting that the three-floor temple of Jimmy Buffet is really going bankrupt this time, and this might be your absolute last chance to drink bottled margarita mix next to a bachelorette party that swears they're doing this all ironically.

Here's the thing though: You should not go to the Times Square Margaritaville. You should not even go there ironically. 

The exterior of Margaritaville.

photo credit: Kate Previte

The interior of Margaritaville.

photo credit: Kate Previte

The exterior of Margaritaville.

photo credit: Kate Previte

The exterior of Margaritaville.
The interior of Margaritaville.
The exterior of Margaritaville.

If you've never been, it's easy to build it up in your head. A margarita oasis in the heart of the city that might briefly transport you to a tropical island? What could be better? In reality, the vibes are nothing short of sinister. Once you ride the escalator past the gift shop, you'll reach the place where it's always 5 o'clock somewhere, and where you might see someone being forcibly removed after pretending it's 5 o'clock for one margarita too long. A floor-to-ceiling bust of the Statue of Liberty holding a margarita glass looms above you, and videos of Jimmy Buffet play on a loop, as if this whole enterprise exists in an attempt to summon him from margarita heaven. 

But let's say, for whatever reason, you don't listen to us and choose to see it for yourself. Here’s what to do: Order one more margarita than you think you need, and pay for the paper-framed photo when the photographer comes around. After all, you’re never going to waste away in Margaritaville again.

Food Rundown

Margaritas

Your server will ask you if you want a small or large, and you'll probably say large on instinct. Just know that this means your tequila-accented syrup will come in a non-functional plastic blender, which will take up all the shelf space in your shoebox of an apartment, and make your hangover ten times worse.

Appetizer Sampler

Over the course of one evening in Times Square, we tried the appetizer samplers at both Applebee's and Margaritaville. Applebee's wins by a mile, and that's saying a lot. The spread here includes “hand-battered” chicken tenders, spinach artichoke dip, and Caribbean chicken egg rolls. You don't want to find out what Margaritaville's Caribbean chicken egg roll tastes like.

Cheeseburger in Paradise

If you really end up here, it'll take at least five blenders to make you feel like you're having a good time, and then you'll desperately need something to soak it all up. Order the burger. It is aggressively fine.

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FOOD RUNDOWN

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