Margaritaville

At some point in your life, someone is going to ask if you want to go to Margaritaville in Times Square. Maybe after the latest article reporting that the three-floor temple of Jimmy Buffet is really going bankrupt this time, and this might be your absolute last chance to drink bottled margarita mix next to a bachelorette party that swears they're doing this all ironically.

Here's the thing though: You should not go to the Times Square Margaritaville. You should not even go there ironically. 

photo credit: Kate Previte

photo credit: Kate Previte

photo credit: Kate Previte

If you've never been, it's easy to build it up in your head. A margarita oasis in the heart of the city that might briefly transport you to a tropical island? What could be better? In reality, the vibes are nothing short of sinister. Once you ride the escalator past the gift shop, you'll reach the place where it's always 5 o'clock somewhere, and where you might see someone being forcibly removed after pretending it's 5 o'clock for one margarita too long. A floor-to-ceiling bust of the Statue of Liberty holding a margarita glass looms above you, and videos of Jimmy Buffet play on a loop, as if this whole enterprise exists in an attempt to summon him from margarita heaven. 

But let's say, for whatever reason, you don't listen to us and choose to see it for yourself. Here’s what to do: Order one more margarita than you think you need, and pay for the paper-framed photo when the photographer comes around. After all, you’re never going to waste away in Margaritaville again.