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Market Provisions

PHOTOS: Holly Liss

We all know that feeling. The phone rings and on the other end is your friend. Maybe your best friend. It was just their birthday, or maybe the New Year, or perhaps they got back from their Honeymoon in Provence. But it finally happened.

They bought a cookbook.

They’re absolutely ecstatic, just quoted Joel Robouchon, and before you can come up with any excuses are committed to incorrectly pronounced beef bourguignon at their place Friday night. Brace for impact. Because if being served bland food by good people who are genuinely excited to watch you eat it isn’t your definition of a nightmare, then it simply hasn’t happened to you yet.

Eating at Market Provisions is a qualified nightmare.

The old Cooks Country space that Market Provisions recently took over is as fantastic as you remember it being. It’s casual and laid-back but still upscale enough to pull off almost any occasion in the book. Want to get the girls together for Sunday brunch? It’s $5 bottomless mimosas with a purchase of an entree. Old high school friend in town and long overdue for a catch-up? The space is quiet, unintimidating, and easy to get into. The wait staff is always excellent and genuinely hopeful you’re enjoying yourself and the food you ordered. Cue said nightmare.

Because you aren’t enjoying that food. In fact, you’re beginning to dread it. The spicy chicken club hits the table looking glorious, but is mind-blowingly tasteless. The rainbow carrots are fresh, but is there anything on them besides the water leftover from being rinsed? With each subpar dish that hit the table, your anxiety skyrockets. Just please put something on this table that makes everything ok again. That something never comes.

Just like when your excited friend who served you that charred meat brick and now your jaw’s sore, you simply grin and bear it. Because you like them and their passion, and despite everything, you deep down hope they keep going for it.

We'll just be a bit more ready with an excuse for the next get together.

Food Rundown

Crispy Fried Chicken Club

How does fried chicken, bacon, and some sort of mayo sauce not taste like anything? How?

Eggs In Purgatory

This is probably one of the better things on the menu, but it’s still not going to knock your socks off. The tomato sauce has no heat to it and that polenta at the bottom is all but useless.

The MP Burger

Again, there’s nothing technically wrong with this burger, but there’s nothing right either. A restaurant’s burger game needs to be pretty strong these days to make an impression and Market Provisions is lagging quite a bit.

Rainbow carrots

This is a plate of washed carrots. End of story.

Chicken Liver Toast

Proving that it’s fairly difficult to fuck up Chicken Liver, we definitely enjoyed this one. The date jam on the side was not a bad thing either, we only wanted more of it.

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