Where To Get Brunch If You Hate Brunch

12 brunch spots for when you actually hate brunch.
Where To Get Brunch If You Hate Brunch image

photo credit: Nate Watters

It’s Saturday morning and you didn’t set an alarm, but you’re still jolted awake by your phone vibrating on your nightstand. It’s a group text, and your friends all want the same thing: brunch. Part of you wants to make your loved ones happy, but deep down, you hate brunch. Everything about it - the unnecessarily long wait, overpriced scrambled eggs, and highly excited 20-somethings toasting bottomless mimosas to “being alive!” But sometimes your friends won’t allow you to eat another salad bowl of cereal on your couch, and when that time arrives, you need options. For those times when you need to get yourself out of bed and eat something on a Saturday, here are 12 spots where you can get a low-key weekend brunch.

The Spots




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Seattle Biscuit Company is not a place where you’ll find people spending fifteen minutes strategically positioning their matcha latte and lemon curd pancake for the perfect phone shot. This is a simple atmosphere that feels like a roadside diner, where you can eat some of the best biscuits in town and a fried chicken sandwich with very good sausage gravy. And if you’re in more of a lunch mood, the pulled pork here is excellent.

Time is of the essence on a Saturday morning. You want something you can eat quickly at a counter and be on your way (because your box set of Workaholics isn’t going to watch itself). Yes, you’ll likely pay over $7 for a bagel and risk the possibility of everything being sold out except for pumpernickel. And yet, there’s a certain joy that comes with eating Westman’s salty lox spread on a fresh everything bagel in a garage that looks eerily similar to the home furnishing section at Urban Outfitters.

Lost Lake does have some brunch-bait - like four different types of benedicts and mimosas available in bulk. But overall, this place is pretty relaxed. You can post up at the counter with headphones in your ears and chocolate chip peanut butter pancakes on your plate. Or, if for some reason you can’t avoid a group brunch, everyone will probably be happy with Lost Lake’s pitchers of mimosas.

It might seem odd to go to a Neapolitan pizza spot for brunch, but not if it’s Mioposto. This place has a pretty excellent spicy brunch pie with pancetta and cracked eggs, which is perfect when you’re still not recovered from last weekend’s $22 eggs benedict. Their non-pizza brunch items are great too.

Café Presse is permanently closed

On weekend mornings, it’s important to prioritize sleeping in and drinking coffee that isn’t from a Keurig. Another thing you should prioritize is eating a grilled cheese with fries from Cafe Presse. Their croque madame and pomme frites with lemon mayo are some of the greatest things to grace 12th Avenue.

Russell’s is a low-key bar that opens at 10am on weekends. If eating a pulled pork biscuit sandwich and drinking an Aperol mimosa in a wooden booth sounds appealing to you, you’re going to like it here. You could also keep things simple with a $10 scramble and some coffee.

The Denny Triangle is busy during the week, but on weekends, it achieves ghost town tumbleweed-in-the-wind status. That’s why you should do your Saturday morning at Mr. West, a relaxing coffee shop that has excellent toasts, pastries, and croissant egg sandwiches. If you have some work you need to get done, you can linger for a while with your laptop.

Little Lago is a market and espresso bar that happens to have good food, and also happens to be in a very residential area. You won’t find bachelorette party people acting like they’ve never eaten brunch before or bottomless anything (except for fresh iced tea and lemonade, which we’re on board with). Get their bagel with king salmon lox and cream cheese, some eggs in purgatory, or a couple of house pastries. And, if you get in past noon, try a pizza.

Popping into Preserve And Gather with a good book and zero friends is like a sigh of relief in brunch form. It’s an attractive coffee shop in a residential pocket of Greenwood with comfortable seating, no wifi, and nary a Bloody Mary in sight. Plus, they know their way around a cortado and have toasts with toppings ranging from pickled egg salad to ricotta with honey. We also like the ham and jam biscuit.

Step 1: Leave your sweatpants on. Step 2: Roll up to Fat’s. Step 3: Get some herby fried chicken and waffles, and don’t be shy with the Hennesy-infused butter. Step 4: Chase it with some spiked coffee. And, if you can’t get past Step 1, the chicken stays crisp in transit if you order it for delivery.

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