PHLGuide
The Philly Break-Up Guide: Where To Eat When Your World Ends
photo credit: Nicole Guglielmo
Maybe the relationship ran its course. Maybe they hum while they chew and you reached your breaking point. Whatever happened, you’re single now, and need something to eat (and lots to drink). So stop trying to bump into them at their go-to Acme and wondering if that new haircut makes them look sexy, and start enjoying the world of pasta, sushi, and citywide specials waiting for you.
THE SPOTS
photo credit: NICOLE GUGLIELMO
You deserve better than frozen dinners of mystery meat in the shape of Pennsylvania. Take your first shower in 48 hours and head to Rittenhouse for one of the best meals in the city. The music is loud, the scene is boozy and buzzy, and the seafood plateau is breathtaking enough to erase everything from your recent memory—including weeping in front of your couple’s photo, asking “why, God, why?!” It’s hard to get a reservation at the French-ish spot (we'd recommend a seat at the bar), but not as impossible as eating that cardboard-like brownie on the Banquet meal tray.
photo credit: NICOLE GUGLIELMO
University City’s Two Locals Brewing is the ideal place to find a sport other than reloading your ex’s IG page. You can chug a few beers (go for the dark and toasty Nubian) and weep quietly while Liberty Kitchen tries to distract you with some of the best hoagies and tomato pies in the city. There’s a full bar and a few TVs, so it can get crowded when the workday ends. But let’s be real—you’re not showing up to socialize with the hottie two pale ales in at the bar. You’re here to drink and have a gluttonous spread of bread-y things covered in sweet tomato sauce and cured meats.
photo credit: Mike Prince
After collecting their things and putting them into a box to burn, you notice an old wallet with a few hundred bucks left in it. Now, you should give it back. But they cheated with that one friend they swore was “like a brother,” so head to Ogawa in Old City instead. It’s one of those pricey sushi omakase places ($280 per person) that will make you feel like a VIP—like how the hot friend in your group feels all the time. And the 23 courses of quality cuts—think Australian lobster topped with dry soy sauce—are downright impressive. Plus, they have one of the better sake pairings in the city which you should go for. Your old flame’s wallet says you can afford it.
photo credit: NICOLE GUGLIELMO
They walked out the door with the pasta maker you got for their birthday. Don’t order another—then you’d be sad and have to cook. A night at Dante & Luigi’s in Bella Vista will make everything better. The iconic old-school Italian restaurant is packed with happy families, Frank Sinatra tunes, and lots of red wine. Sit back and have some top-notch dishes—like a towering baked lasagna that’s the best in town—and make new memories with pasta.
photo credit: GAB BONGHI
You filled your SEPTA beer glass with an IPA and planned on getting dinner later. Two beers became three, one slow love song became an Adele marathon, and now it’s the morning. Nurse your hangover at this Italian shop in Bella Vista. They have crispy cutlet sandwiches and puffy, cream-filled maritozzi. The main attraction, though, is their cheesy, airy panzerotti. But since grief (and sobering up) takes time, just keep eating until you think more about the gooey strands of mozzarella and sweet basil than your ex’s lame tattoos.
photo credit: NICOLE GUGLIELMO
Your ex would smile at you after every jewelry commercial or marriage proposal in a rom-com. And you would panic. They saw the beads of sweat, too, and decided to move on. You need somewhere dark to drink and make new friends. Oscar’s in Rittenhouse has you covered on both fronts, although sticky floors will be involved. The classic dive is one of those neighborhood places that’s constantly crowded, and nobody cares about you, your breakup story, or anything outside of the bar’s beer-covered walls and their next citywide special. The well drinks are only $6, so at least you can easily commit to them (unlike your ex).
Just because you met her at this South Philly rooftop bar doesn't mean you can’t return to the romantic scene of the crime. Since Bok Bar has one of the best views in the city, it always draws a crowd, which is all you need when you just want to get out of your head, get under someone else, and have some fun. There are exciting new food vendors monthly, like Darnel’s and Tabachoy. You’ll want to eat something while you come up with the first pickup line you’ve had to use in two years.
photo credit: Nicole Guglielmo
After agreeing that you were the Grey’s Anatomy of couples—way past your prime and ridiculously dramatic—it’s over. Take a trip to El Chingon in East Passyunk for some incredible cemitas, aguachile, and interiors with colors we’re sure will inspire your upcoming apartment remodel. Plus, with lots of seating inside and along the sidewalk, the BYOB can be a great place to bring your friends on a nice day while you delete every photo in your camera roll. They sell margarita, michelada, and jarrito mixers by the liter for the table. But if you’re really feeling down, it’s the kind of place where you can just stick your straw in the pitcher, have at it, and nobody would blink.
photo credit: EMILY SCHINDLER
After years of doing couples’ Crossfit and competing for the most steps in a week, take advantage of your newfound freedom in the form of a juicy sandwich and crispy fries. One of the best places to do that is Center City’s Huda. Every sandwich here is served on pillowy homemade milk buns, including our favorite, the short rib grilled cheese. And since each one is under $20, you can grab a few, add a pile of fries, all without putting a dent in your savings for a new place to live.
photo credit: RACHEL LERRO
They didn’t send a text or even call. You found out when they went on a “work trip” and posted the same view of the Golden Gate Bridge as their old college friend. You need something brothy, warm, and soul-reviving. When you stop by the cozy noodle shop, try the shoyu ramen. Each bowl has a couple of juicy pieces of pork chashu seeping with flavorful chicken broth, house shoyu, and toppings like scallion, fried garlic and sesame seeds. It’s a comforting blend that will almost put you in the mood to forgive the state of California. Almost.
The orange of Gritty’s fur reminded you of their terrible highlights, and you’ve been reliving a montage of every romantic moment since. Ditch work early and head to Pearl & Mary Oyster Bar for Happy Hour. Starting at 4pm and running through 7pm, the Midtown Village spot has everything from $5 beer, $6 wines, $2 oysters, $7 sandwiches, and a daily crudo. And since we particularly love all of the small plates at this fun seafood restaurant, you can just order a whole bunch, stay for dinner, and tell your new friends at the bar why you’re seriously, totally, and completely fine.
Your neighbors keep banging on the wall because they’re tired of your unhinged rendition of Taylor Swift's “All Too Well” (yes, the 10-minute version). Take your vocal talent and heartbreak to a place where they’ll be appreciated—Chinatown’s Yakitori Boy. The karaoke pub with a second-floor lounge has a selection of roasted skewers, sushi rolls, and sweets (like the mango cheesecake) that we just can’t get enough of. Plus, if you start weeping mid-song, people will just think it’s a part of the performance and go with it.
photo credit: The Cheesecake Factory
In moments of crisis, sometimes you don’t want fancy. During those times, you need the simple stability of Cheesecake Factory’s comically large menu and a slice of peanut butter cheesecake covered in fudge. We don’t have a menu favorite here—even though their oat-topped brown bread is an American hero. The dimly lit Center City restaurant is ideal for eating your feelings, your new uniform of choice—a pair of comfy sweats and sunglasses—and not bumping into anybody that you know.
On some nights, this South Philly dive bar is so dim that you’ll feel like your one light bulb away from total darkness. And that’s exactly what you’ll need, since you’ve been crying nonstop. The cash-only, wood-paneled space has throwback memorabilia like old Pearl Jam posters and rehydrate with Artic Splash in the fridge (we’d suggest tequila instead). They have standard, affordable bar food like $7 wings and $4 onion rings, and you can use your change to play your favorite rock ballad on the jukebox (or save it since you’re no longer splitting the rent).
photo credit: Kick Axe Throwing
POWERED BY
Stuck with this big tidal wave of emotions, there’s only one way to let it out: throwing an axe into a plank of wood while picturing your ex. The massive Old City axe-throwing bar has a long list of beers and a menu of sliders, flatbreads, and tacos like carne asada. But the most important thing it offers is the ability to release stress. And that’s exactly what you’ll need when you realize them forgetting your birthday was a huge indicator that they weren’t ready for a serious relationship.
