I am not an investor. All of my disposable income is currently tied up in The Infatuation and a debilitating craft beer addiction. But if I was an investor, I'd like to think I'd only make big bets on sure things, like subprime mortgages, baseball cards, and Bugattis.
Add to that list expensive hamburgers.
For those of you who may not know the backstory, Salvation Burger is a much hyped burger joint from April Bloomfield, the chef who largely made her name on the back of a hamburger she created at her famous restaurant, The Spotted Pig. The idea behind this endeavor is pretty obvious - people love burgers, and fast casual spinoffs seem to be where all the money is in food these days.
But here's the thing - as far as we can tell, Salvation Burger is not a restaurant concept that aspires to an IPO. Not unless the idea is that every household around the nation will soon be prosperous enough to spend $25 on a hamburger a few times a month. That's not likely to be a reality anytime soon (thanks, Obama). So what is this Midtown East restaurant after? Other than the cash and affection of every burger desperate businessman in a twenty block radius? The answer is perfection.
Somewhere in the back of this restaurant is a cooler full of whole cows sourced from somewhere very local - probably Park Slope - dry aging and waiting to be butchered down and ground each day. This is not what one might call a "scalable" process, and it's also not what one might call "cheap." Which is why the burger in your hands at this otherwise casual burger joint costs more than three Shack Burgers and a beer. But this is Salvation's attempt at creating the perfect hamburger. And if you ask us, it's pretty damn close.
That's why Salvation Burger can have all of my money. We've always been the kind of people who will spend cash we don't have on a special experience, and if you love hamburgers, this is definitely special. We're partial to the Classic Burger, just because it's...well...classic and we've never been big on steak burgers. But ultimately, they're both excellent, and worth the hour-long wait you'll confront to get your mouth around one.
I guess this means it's time to sell off some of those baseball cards and make an investment. Who wants to go in on a burger with me?
Two things. First of all, just look at this burger. It's perfect. And it tastes perfect. Which brings us to our second point. Please do not f*ck with this burger. No, it won't be better with a different kind of cheese, or no cheese, or minus the pickles, or with a gluten free bun. Eat what you've been served and be thankful that everything in your life has led you to this moment.
This is a serious, serious hamburger, made for serious people. The grind is made from various parts of the whole steer, much of which has been dry aged, and all of which is literally hanging in a cooler in the kitchen. On top are caremelized onions and Taleggio cheese. It's rich and meaty, and it's really damn good. We just like the classic better.
Hot dog or terrarium? You decide. Those sprigs of dill are growing out of a smoked link that tastes very good. That said, split one with a friend. Don't go all in on this guy.
We like the fries, we just wish they didn't come in a terra cotta pot. Wait is this a terrarium too?
Ridiculously good. That is all.