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3.8
NYC

Osteria Cotta

Ever wanted to eat sh*tty Italian food while Usher's "Yeah" blasts into your ears at an exceptionally high volume? Didn't think so. But just in case you were wondering where one might find such an opportunity, look no further than Osteria Cotta on the Upper West Side.

Let's quickly review why this place sucks so bad. First of all, the food is mediocre at best. It's a menu full of unremarkable pizzas and pastas, and f*cking truffle fries. Wanna know how to tell that a restaurant has no original ideas? When they put truffle oil on something and then take pride in telling you how good it is. The service here is also suspect, in that it's pretty much a bare minimum approach to each table. You'll probably see your waiter twice, and he might not make eye contact with you either time.

But the worst thing of all is what's going on in terms of ambiance at Osteria Cotta. This is a spacious, rustic wine bar that inexplicably plays the biggest hits from Z100 four years ago inside the restaurant, and the music is turned up so loud that it's annoying from the street, let alone a seat at the bar. Maybe they just figured that you'd like a side of Black Eyed Peas with your glass of Barolo and watery pizza. Or maybe the manager is some former night club owner from Red Bank who really loves Lil' John. Either way, we're not into it.

Food Rundown

Meatballs In Tomato

The meatballs at Osteria Cotta were probably the best thing that we ate. They're substantial and tasty, and the sauce they sit in is pretty good.

Truffled Creamy Polenta

Well what do you know, the polenta has been "truffled." Does it taste good? Yeah, it does. But truffle oil is pretty much the duct tape of food, so we're not handing out high fives for this.

Margherita Pizza

A watery mess of a pizza, with soggy crust and bland cheese. No thanks.

Linguine Vongole

This pasta is always a go to order for us at Italian restaurants, and it's a great indicator of how good a place is. This one had us reaching for the salt and leaving clams in the bowl.

Wood Fire Free-Range Chicken

Supposedly a specialty of the house, but we found this to simply be a chicken. Nothing more.

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