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Essen Fast Slow Food

(212) 689-0800

290 Madison Ave

New York, NY 10017

Food: 7

Vibes: 0

Wait: Extreme

Captain’s log, day one: the situation here is bleak, not unlike a DMV, only here you’re waiting for the opportunity to scoop your own food, buffet-style. At the back of the line, our only hope is that none of the thirty people before us cough into the trays of food we desire to eat. There is no room to move, and one can only stare as one shuffles forward. No music, only voices. The balloons should have tipped us off. Why so many balloons? Now we understand. The balloons are there to boost our morale. This does not work.

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