Here at The Infatuation, one of us is a Patriots fan - so we know there are, at the very least, two types of guys: guys who like the Patriots and guys who aren’t dumb.
And there are probably even more. We bet there are as many types of guys as there are guys. So what’s a guys night?
We’re gonna keep it simple and say that a guys night means fun, casual eating and drinking with an emphasis on unhealthy foods and some mildly inexcusable behavior. That seems to be what people have in mind when they ask us for recommendations, so we’re just gonna roll with it. These are your restaurants for a guys night.
Spitzer’s has a huge draft beer list and food for every kind eater. It’s also on the Lower East Side, which means it’s close to a lot of bars. Go here, get some beers, and organize a burping contest. Afterwards, have a short-rib burger and chew with your mouth open. You won’t be proud of yourself, but that’s not what guys night’s about.
This is your opportunity to put on a Hawaiian shirt and eat red meat like they did when doctors smoked Lucky Strikes. (If burgers aren’t your thing, the broccoli is surprisingly good.) But go early to secure seats for all your bros, bro. Because this feel-good tiki bar gets packed pretty quick.
Empellon Al Pastor has fourteen beers and three ciders on tap. More importantly, they have nine tacos. Get the al pastor (pineapple and pork) or the cheeseburger (taco). This taco bar is on a busy corner of the East Village, and it attracts plenty of guys and non-guys alike. So maybe pretend you’re in Mexico and coordinate tank tops. It’s a sure-fire way to keep girls from interrupting guys night.
Allswell tends to be candlelit and dark. So if you decide to go the heirloom-tomato-salad route, we doubt anyone will notice. At the same time, don’t be dumb. Get a burger. Choose one from the list, and hang at the big communal table. If you can score the banquette, even better. Dudes are all about super cute banquettes.
Does minimalist decor make you feel fuzzy inside? Do you like your beer in stemware? Are your favorite foods pickled and dense? OK, maybe not, but you should still go to Torst. The draft selection is excellent, and there’s some great Nordic food to pass around. Torst's section of Greenpoint is also full of action, so you might end up not having a strictly guys night after all.
You probably don’t want to know what balut is, but you can get it at Jeepney. We doubt you will, but it’s pretty cool that you can. Jeepney is a Filipino gastropub, which means: A) there’s plenty to drink and B) there’s a lot of food you probably aren’t familiar with. Go for fun, adventurous food and drink in the East Village. Have you looked up balut yet? You should look up balut.
Beers, burgers, and sports - the Jeffrey has it all. This place was built for dudes, and, despite that, it’s still a great place to hang. The tables are big, and they have a backyard. If you’re having a guys night uptown, drop in for some outdoor boozing. (We promise it won’t be all guys.) Get a BLT and bro out a little. No one will see you; you’re on the Upper East Side.
Scoot up the bar at Lucky Strike and get your Jean-Paul-Belmondo swagger on. Or, if French films from the sixties aren’t your thing, hang with the boys in the back and have a steak frites. Lucky Strike’s been around for over twenty years, and the Soho scene is consistently full of good vibes. Bring the guys and come armed with enough French to impress the next table over.
There are times in life for a trendy restaurant, and there are times for PJ Clarke’s. Guys night is for P.J. Clarke’s. The one on Third Ave has been around for over a century, and a burger here is a rite of passage. Order a whiskey and coke (hold the coke) and get a spread of fried foods for the table. PJ Clarke’s was good enough for Buddy Holly, so it’s definitely good enough for you.
Cyndi Lauper needs to revise some lyrics ASAP, because dudes like fun too. Go here for some Thai/Filipino fusion on the Lower East Side. Order some grilled pork jowl and enjoy the fifteen-dollar bottomless Yuengling. It’s self-serve, and you probably shouldn’t think too hard about the fact that unlimited self-serve Yuengling is perfect for a guys night.
Go here for some quick, casual Mexican before you go out and do things that would disappoint your mother. Try a torta. Eat some taquitos that are nothing like the ones you microwave at midnight. Order at the counter then find a bank of tables and lay down a few pitchers of margaritas to mark your territory.
If The Beatles had gone for Korean barbecue, they might have made another album. Such is the power of trying new things together. Go to Kang Ho Dong Baekjeong for high-quality beef and pork. Order a combination of cuts and watch your server grill them in the center of your table. Karaoke is the obvious choice for your next activity, but you’re gonna be in K-Town, so there’s also... karaoke.
If you guys are hungry, go to 456. Get soup dumplings, fried noodles, and some kind of beef. Order a lot, and share family style (because you’re bros). The “tiny” buns will be bigger than you’re expecting, and your check will be smaller. You might have to wait for a table, but 456 is busy for a reason. There are hundreds of places to eat in Chinatown, and this is one of the best.
Lil Frankie’s is good for everything. Date night? You bet. Birthday dinner? Of course. Juice cleanse? We don’t know. We haven’t tried one of those. The vibes are fun and casual at Lil Frankie’s, there are plenty of big tables, and the Italian food never disappoints. It’s also where the East Village meets the Lower East Side, so there are lots of places to drink afterward.
Parm looks and feels like a Disney version of The Godfather. The one on the Upper West Side is spacious, but it can also get noisy. We see that as a good thing. Bring a group of guys and compete to be the loudest while eating baked clams. Finish with some ice cream cake and pretend you’re the Michael Corleone of a world where people only have to sleep with fishes or horse heads if they want to.