photo credit: Noah Devereaux

“I Just Want To F*cking Dance” image


“I Just Want To F*cking Dance”

The usual suspects of dance-friendly bars and clubs in New York City, plus new spots you might not know about yet.

Dear Hannah,I just want to f*cking dance.


Ready For Whatever

Dear Ready For Whatever,

A centuries-old desire that feels totally new again. You’re vaccinated, you’re horny to brush elbows with strangers (at minimum), and you’re ready to move your body in a manner that would be worrisome if seen in broad daylight at a grocery store. Or, at least, I am. Step one is naming that pent-up feeling that’s been bubbling inside you - and you’ve already accomplished that. Congratulations.

Step two is where I can help.

“I Just Want To F*cking Dance” image

photo credit: Noah Devereaux

Take comfort in knowing that the usual suspects of New York City dancedom are back in play. We’re talking about your Bossanova Civic Club techno dungeon raves and your Nowadays Mister Sunday marathon parties, for instance. After closing for much of the pandemic, iconic Williamsburg bedlam, Union Pool, returned with a back room that’s still as fun as it used to be. Kind Regards and Night Of Joy remain packed, and a couple of hours of cardio at Three Dollar Bill will feel clubby in all the right ways (I recommend taking frequent hydration/flirting breaks outside on their patio).

If you’re hoping for a multi-stop dancing event, set your sights on the Bushwick and Ridgewood area. As a starting point: Jupiter Disco, Farewell Bar, and Trans-Pecos all have regular dancing situations and disco balls, and they often host DJs blasting electronic music best described as “beep boop.” For anyone who prefers dancing to sentimental pop you already know the words to, head to Lot 45 before midnight.

“I Just Want To F*cking Dance” image

photo credit: Noah Devereaux

Shockingly, you’re not the only person who wants to dance in this city. Robyn unfairly romanticized dancing on her own, and that was wrong of her. Crowds are a necessity at a bar where you can dance, but waiting in line to get in is a different story entirely. My fellow Staff Writer, Nikko Duren, recently witnessed a snaking parade of people waiting for Mood Ring in Bushwick. Make no mistake, Mood Ring is a perfect, astrological-themed Bushwick dive. A line-up spot, however, it is not.

“I Just Want To F*cking Dance” image

photo credit: Joyface

So let’s get into options where you can probably just waltz right in, in case you are faced with sidewalk crowds and have as much patience as I do:

A Rooftop Bar For Shoulder-Swaying: Honey’s

This perpetually cool Bushwick meadery has a rooftop with an herb and wildflower garden, as well as a DJ booth, and glorious views of the Manhattan skyline. You can legitimately walk right up there and hang out without anyone stopping you - although it’s probably best you get a pina colada slushie made with black currant mead. For an outside dancing option that’s wild but not too wild, you’ll be set at Honey’s.

A New Place People Don’t Know About Yet: Wild Birds

This Crown Heights venue typically hosts live bands every day (including outdoors when the forecast doesn’t read “your deodorant is pointless”). But on weekends you can come dance to a DJ very late into the morning. Their dancefloor doesn’t get as crowded as a place like Friends And Lovers nearby, and our only explanation is that Wild Birds hasn’t caught on to the masses yet.

The Manhattan Option: Joyface

Joyface on Avenue C looks like Austin Powers’ apartment but it’s far less problematic to experience in 2021 than whatever is happening in those movies. Think mismatched chandeliers, a Twister board available for use, a playlist exclusively focused on music made before the 1980s, crushed velvet, and a disco ball circling above. The cocktails are so uniformly well-made that they’re worth devoting a sentence to, unlike most substances consumed at dancy bars around the city.

Have fun. Text me when you’re going out.

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