A Definitive Ranking Of The Celebrity Wax Figures At Peter Luger

With the city’s indoor dining capacity increasing to 35% starting Friday, February 26th, some restaurants are finding new ways to set the mood in their dining room. One such place is Peter Luger Steakhouse, a historic fixture of the meat-eating New York community and the unofficial thick-cut bacon palace of Williamsburg.

To make a moment out of the new 35% indoor dining capacity ruling, Peter Luger has set up four New York celebrities from Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in their dining room. In a press release shared with us, the Vice President of Peter Luger, Daniel Turtel, says, “We’re excited to welcome diners back indoors at 35%, and thought this would be a fun, safe way to fill some of the seats.”

Naturally, we must rank these wax figures in order of intrigue, as we’ve done with things like pizza and boats where you can drink. Beware, the photos may bring back memories of visiting Madame Tussauds as a child, when you likely questioned, “Is Christina Aguilera actually terrifying?” or, “Is this supposed to be Beyonce?”

The wax figures are only at Peter Luger for a limited time, starting Thursday, February 25th to Monday, March 1st. If you insist on seeing them for yourself, you can make a reservation here.

Here’s the breakdown:

#1 Jon Hamm

photo credit: Peter Luger Steakhouse

Wax Jon Hamm (appearing as Don Draper from Mad Men) looks like he knew about the novel coronavirus in 2018 and didn’t tell anyone. Now he must suffer the moral consequences by drinking himself rotten alone at the Peter Luger bar. Either that or he’s been forced to run for mayor of New York City. It takes a special wax model to make Jon Hamm look like someone you wouldn’t want to sleep with. And for that feat, fatigued Jon Hamm deserves number one.

#2 Al Roker

photo credit: Peter Luger Steakhouse

Al Roker is the least creepy of all the figures, possibly because his eyes give the impression that they won’t burn a hole through your chest with laser beam technology. According to Peter Luger’s press team, Al Roker can be seen here “waiting to direct diners to the second floor.” Which makes us question if Al Roker is actually a Peter Luger employee? Or perhaps he’s simply on his way to the bathroom. What’s he holding in his balled-up fist? Is it an SOS note? Or simply next week’s weather forecast. There’s a lot left to the Wax Al Roker story here, so much so that we’d be happy to stand next to him for more than 30 seconds.

#3 Audrey Hepburn

photo credit: Peter Luger Steakhouse

Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffany’s comes in at number three because she is clearly bored by whatever her nonexistent dinner companion is talking about, and wondering when her martini will kick in. Also because of the fact that her table spread exclusively involves a dirty martini and a bread basket. Audrey deserves a porterhouse. This ranking now stands as a petition to serve fake Audrey Hepburn a steak. Unfortunately, Audrey can’t nab a higher spot without the pipe in her mouth. Let the woman smoke and eat cow, you cowards.

#4 Jimmy Fallon

photo credit: Peter Luger Steakhouse

Here you’ll see wax Jimmy Fallon convincing you why he should be your divorce lawyer, only to rob you of tens of thousands of dollars, and then laugh about it with his annoying Jimmy Fallon laugh. No matter where you turn your head, Wax Jimmy’s dead eyes (and his perfectly-brushed bushy eyebrows) will follow. It’s worth pointing out that he’s shown paying for his meal with an exclusive Peter Luger gold credit card, which we find unrelatable and elitist. The biggest pros are the two aforementioned eyebrows. We can only assume wax Jimmy Fallon uses Boy Brow from Glossier.