The Key Club

Coconut Grove’s The Key Club is like a diner for the ultra wealthy. And while the interior is beautiful and reminds us of stepping into a West Elm (i.e. lots of walnut), the food is a slightly boring mash-up of dishes made to appeal to people easily turned on by the word “caviar.” If you can read past the menu’s lavish keywords, most dishes are pedestrian country club standards. But even the menu’s more adventurous options fall short. The ceviche lacks the punch that most Miamians are used to in this traditionally spicy dish. The hefty dollop of caviar on top of the too-sweet french onion dip feels like it showed up to the wrong party. The vegan pot pie feels nostalgic, but only because it reminds us of the ones we microwaved coming home from school as kids. The food isn’t terrible—it just tastes boring, which would be more forgivable if everything wasn’t also offensively expensive. This is really only a place worth checking out if someone else is footing the bill. Luckily, it’s also the Grove’s best place to hunt for a sugar mommy or daddy.