Welcome To Paris (Kind Of)

London may have our heart, but Paris is a flirty looker with a bad attitude and an abundance of cheese, and right now, we miss it. If you’re feeling the same, then do what we did. Make a playlist. Order in French wines. And eat a truly alarming amount of brie. We had a great time. Here’s how you can too:

Step One: Un Petit Probléme

Alright, we hear you, you’re not in Paris. You’re still in your living room. Your cat is looking at you like if you don’t leave soon, they will. And yes, you can still hear those weird noises coming from your neighbours that sound like a cross between LMFAO and a sea lion copulating. Of course your kitchen isn’t going to morph into Pont Neuf but go on, just pretend. Honestly, if it’s between this or organising your sock draw, you know which one has the potential for more fun.

Step Two: Pass the Candles

You don’t need to listen to Serge Gainsbourg and order an industrial amount of rattan to feel like you’re in Paris. In fact, if you happen to have some exposed brick in your flat you’re halfway to every bar along Canal St Martin. Shove a long candle in an empty bottle of red, kill the lights, and put on this playlist we made that’s got everything from pop royalty Phoenix to some French indie classics. If that’s not doing it for you, ask your flatmate to aggressively blow cigarette smoke in your face. Mood, sorted.

Step Three: Your Boozy Comrades

When it comes to French wines, we have a soft spot for a Sancerre. But you can check out our London Alcohol Delivery Guide for everything from a great, affordable bottle of pinot noir to a big-deal Pouilly-Fumé. This is one of our go-to reds at the moment. The right wine will really make you feel like you’re somewhere else. It’ll be just like that time you drank two bottles of merlot and thought a streetlight was the McDonald’s sign.

Step Four: Sexy, Sexy Cheese

Okay, now our recipe for an Eiffel Tower made entirely out of sourdough. Kidding. Although if you have that intel, hit us up. But now is the time to order in your food. More specifically, cheese. The aim here is to feel like you’re living in Gromit’s wet dream. We’re talking brie, camembert, comté, and Pont-l’Évêque. Plenty of the wine bars that are delivering are also delivering cheese, but special shout out to Diogenes The Dog, Albertine, La Fromagerie, and Provisions - who even deliver a fondue set.

Step Five: It's Film Time

Before you instinctively put on any film either set in Monaco or with a Marion Cotillard cameo, here are some of the French films I’ve been enjoying lately. Plus, there’s nothing like subtitles to give you the sophisticated feel of someone who definitely still showers every day.

• The Intouchables: A weeper in the best possible way. Based on the true story of an unlikely friendship. Will give you the feels.

• Amélie: Kooky fringe hero Amélie Poulain sets out to help the people around her. Lighthearted chaos and love ensue. A fun and seriously dreamy looking film that comes heavy on smiles.

• Priceless: Classic tale of beautiful woman mistakes bartender for millionaire and bartender decides to get rich to win her back. We’ve all been there. A rom-com with riviera views and big laughs.

• Midnight In Paris: Okay, so you went a little heavy on step three and now subtitles are a no-go. Owen Wilson stars as a failing writer who gains the ability to time travel to 1920s Paris. Cocktails encouraged.

Step Six: 'When This Is Over'

At the moment, the words we say the most are: ‘when this is over...’. Actually, maybe they’re ‘are there any KitKats left’. Either way, you’re probably spending a lot of time planning fictional dinners, holidays, gigs, parties, and long winded chats in pub gardens for when normal scheduling eventually resumes. Whenever that may be. On that note, here’s our Paris Travel Guide to scroll through and allow yourself to get just a little bit excited at the prospect of one day using your passport again. Bookmark it. You’re not going to have to pretend your sofa is in Le Marais forever.