It’s 10:45pm on a Wednesday, and you’re just getting home from the office because your boss handed you three projects at 6:30pm, and then promptly left for Spago. You’re exhausted and broken but also hungry as sh*t. Here is everything you need from Trader Joe’s to get your life back on track.
Check out more ways to save your job (and your soul) in the rest of our LA Assistant’s Survival Guide here.
If you’re buying any other kind of hummus, stop trusting yourself.
These fit comfortably in almost all brands of underwear.
Best eaten with a ski mask on while you’re still at the store.
Try eating this without using hands.
Anything you can stuff more than one of in your mouth at the same time is at least worth the story.
The less sober, the better.
We know you ate Burger King in your office bathroom today.
They say eating dark chocolate is good for you. Eating dark chocolate in the shower without any lights on? Even better.
This is basically a better version of Pirate’s Booty, but you still have to dress like a pirate to eat it.
Can also be used as a hat.
Put these in your glove compartment. Offer them to the parking cop.
Unexpected night cramps.
A treat you and your roommate’s cat can share together.
Screaming “take your stupid tortellini too!” feels great during a low-stakes breakup.