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20 Places We'd Rather Drink Than Taco Bell

The new Taco Bell in Wicker Park will officially sell alcohol and everybody has lost their damn minds. Jesus himself could have walked the streets of Chicago yesterday and nobody would have cared because at some point in the near future you'll be able to get a craft beer with your Cheesy Gordita Crunch. It will still have fake meat and too much sour cream, but apparently all is forgiven. We, on the other hand, are not on the Taco Bell liquor license bandwagon. In fact, that sounds horrible. Here are 20 places we'd rather drink than Taco Bell:

20. Taxis.
19. Next to a poop statue.
18. Underneath The Bean.
17. The tunnel connecting Michigan Avenue and the Oak Street Beach.
16. Our couch.
15. Your couch.
14. A stranger’s couch.
13. Red line in the middle of July on a 90 degree day.
12. Blue line any time of year.
11. Secretary of State on a Monday at the back of a two hour line.
10. Outside at the corner of Clark and Fullerton in February.
9. Wrigley Field for a Groundhog Day experience of the Bartman play.
8. U.S Cell watching the White Sox get slaughtered.
7. The quiet car on the Metra, which is where fun goes to die.
6. Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville at Navy Pier. Yes, it exists.
5. A couples therapy session with Tom Thibodeau, John Paxson, and Gar Forman.
4. Hash House a Go Go, and this is how we feel about that place.
3. The Dentist.
2. A bathroom - pick up Taco Bell instead and embrace the inevitable.
1. Rock & Roll McDonalds.

Now you’ll know where to find us once the reckoning begins. And trust us, it’s coming.

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