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Hi Infatuation reader. As you know, cities around the world have limited all restaurants and bars to takeout and delivery. We’re continuing to update our site with guides to getting something great to eat at home, as well as community resources to help support the restaurant industry. Click here to learn more. Stay tuned, and stay well.


17 Things To Eat This Fall That Aren't Pumpkin Flavored

Do you feel that people? A most magical time is once again upon us. The air is crisp, your football team sucks, and every girl with zero distinctive qualities has a smile on her face. IT’S PUMPKIN SEASON. To say the processed chemical of a once-proud member of the squash family has taken hold of everything uninteresting in American culture is an understatement. It’s grabbed it by the balls and thrown it into a scalding hot latte of who gives a f*ck. This season you can buy everything from pumpkin-spiced dog biscuits to dandruff shampoo because clearly your highlighted side-swipe and prancing chihuahua know the difference.

But maybe there’s something more to these few golden days of Fall? Perhaps, as a country, we can simply do better. I know I can. Let’s see if you can do your part. Here are the 17 suggestions of things you can eat this fall that aren’t pumpkin flavored.

  • The Halloween Whopper that turns your sh*t green.

  • Laced Altoids from your Uber driver.

  • A piece of pizza your dog’s currently wearing as a hat.

  • All-day breakfast at McDonald’s with your Landlord.

  • Tequila.

  • A plate of spaghetti you failed to realize was actually your sweater.

  • Triscuits you’ve made into a sword to impress your tax guy with.

  • Too many Tums.

  • Anne Coulter’s lizard skin.

  • The mopped-up blood of your Tinder date.

  • The 14 marbles Ariana Grande puts in her mouth before singing.

  • Steve Sarkisian’s bar tab.

  • That specific moment in a conversation when you realize the only thing left to
    talk about is El Nino.

  • Your feelings, as seen through the eyes of your future pet.

  • An unmarked external hard drive a bald eagle just left on your window sill.

  • The kiss you’ll never know a ghost left on your neck last night.

  • Grapes.

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