Vermilion

There are plenty of things to keep you distracted at this 20-year-old River North restaurant. No less than nine different types of light fixtures (including two different styles of chandeliers with only half the bulbs installed, and an LED light that changes colors every 30 seconds), tables with built-in fire features, and a menu filled with questionable names for Indo-Chinese dishes like “Crazy Hot Asians,” “What’s Your Beef,” and desserts simply named “Sex.” But all of the attempts at being edgy can't distract from the fact that the food at Vermilion is mediocre. Like the tangra chaat, which tastes like it was tossed in bottled masala ketchup. Or a plate of hakka noodles that’s essentially just a warm, soggy version of the chaat. The cocktails, however, are tasty. So if you find yourself at Vermilion because your out-of-town colleagues planned the team offsite dinner, just order a few “Bollywood Item Numbers” or mango mint mojitos, and spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out how to change those bulbs.