Between school, babysitters, and family members who would watch your children, you used to get some space from your kids. But now you’re with them all the time. Everyone is bored, privacy doesn’t exist, and you’re taking hour-long showers just to get away.
You’re starting to feel like you’re living in a Partridge Family dystopia - trapped in a confined space going absolutely nowhere instead of traveling the country together in a groovy van. You need something (anything) to distract them, and give yourself a break. Here are 13 restaurants delivering things that can help.
It’s a universally accepted fact that kids love pizza. And Happy Camper has a DIY pizza kit that comes with premade dough and easy to follow instructions. Along with the dough, it has marinara, cheese, garlic olive oil, and pepperoni. Also important? It includes a bottle of wine.
Dimo’s in Wrigleyville is known for having creative pizzas - like mac and cheese pizza, buffalo chicken, or s’mores. And the same flavor combinations that appeal to Dimo’s target audience (drunk college students) will also appeal to kids. Now they’re selling their most popular flavors in kit form. They also live-stream a pizza-making class at 6:30pm every night, which is an alternative to the continuous loop of Frozen 2 that’s been on for three weeks.
Summer House is the Mary Poppins of quarantine. They have a DIY cookie decorating kit, rice crispy treats kit, and balls of raw cookie dough so you can bake their fantastic cookies at home. After all this is over, they will miss spending quality time with those cookies more than they will miss you.
Baker Miller is selling handmade playdough they’ve created from flour and a bunch of different spices, herbs, and flowers. You get a set of four colors for $10, and it’s all organic. So if they eat it, they won’t have the same traumatic experience you had when you were a kid. Consider getting some take-and-bake cinnamon rolls, too (which will taste much better).
Middle Brow Bungalow has a few different pizza kits, including a special cheese one that’s just for kids. They all come with fresh mozzarella, sauce, toppings, and a ball of dough. And for some reason this restaurant is selling books - some essays on Nietzsche (not quite kid-friendly), and one compilation of comic strips about being a new parent (slightly more kid-friendly).
This spot has a family-style taco kit that’s easy for kids to assemble. It comes with 12 tacos (your choice of filling and tortilla type), corn fundido, and guacamole and chips. And since it doesn’t require the use of an oven, you can sit on your ass and not worry about them burning the house down.
This is another pizza spot that’s selling kits for you to build (and cook) your own pizzas. It includes dough, flour (for stretching), tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella, and fresh basil. They also have a “kids pancake party” that comes with a dozen silver dollar buttermilk pancakes, fresh berries, rainbow sprinkles, chocolate chips, whipped cream, and maple syrup.
If your children are getting tired of the 67 DIY pizza kits you’ve ordered, consider getting one of the “from scratch” pastas at Siena Tavern instead. It comes with your choice of fresh pasta (gnocchi, orecchiette, rigatoni, ziti, or spaghetti) and either a bolognese, parmesan cream, marinara, or vodka sauce.
Beatrix has a cookie decorating kit (it comes with eight cookies and piping bags with four different colors of icing. It also sells take-and-bake cookies with some of their best flavors (like nutella, cornflake marshmallow, and double chocolate). While your kids are being distracted by sugar, you can entertain yourself with their Bloody Mary kit.
This bakery has a lot of bake-at-home treats that are easy for kids to put on a baking sheet and then stare at in the oven. Tell them cliches like “a watched pan never bakes” and then forget to turn the oven on. It will teach them a valuable lesson about patience and resentment.
So while this fried chicken spot isn’t currently serving food, their online store has fun merchandise/goods, like their honey butter corn muffin mix. They even sell a honeycomb-shaped pan so when you bake at home, the muffins will look just like the ones you get at the restaurant.
OK - in all fairness, Dorian’s quarantine care package is more of a distraction for you than for your kids. The kits come with your choice of wine or cocktail (the “daiq pack” makes four daiquries and comes with two tiki mugs) and a mystery record that Dorian’s picks out for you. But their reaction to the vinyl is a good opportunity to find out if your kids will grow up to be cool or lame.